Something I felt I was losing...

I spent the previous year in entrenched pessimism, a sense of distraught on how life was trudging and a powerful discontent fraught my psyche. In an attempt to overcome this looming insurmountable menace, I had crafted a slew of plans, theories, isolated myself for a formidable length of time in the hope of a miracle – something which would just upend this menace. It can be conceived that I was depressed but I chose to battle it and I can assure, every day I was just mentally warring against it. It was accompanied with my exams in which I did great which was enough to supply some hope for my future. I cannot disclose what happened so explicitly, I hope you understand. But, take it as chronic depression.

For one month now, it seems to be diminishing. But you need a paradigm shift to just extirpate any speck of depression on your brain. And I would explain how today, I found it.
My mother had been in hospital for 4 days and I met her today. She was inside the ICU and the moment I entered, I heard a desperate “Beta” like she was craving to see only me. I stood beside her and I was a bit perplexed as I had never seen her in such a condition. I just wanted to cook any topics in an attempt to communicate, but I just thought why not give her just rest – after all, that’s what she needed. I fear she apprehended that I was disinterested in talking to her but no – I felt a bit nervous mamma, and I want you to recover completely. The discourse included how we are spending time at home since my father is in the hospital to look after her, my sibling, whether we have timely meals, etc.  She told me not to fear anything and I said same to her but the answer I received was enchanting – “I have been fearless since the day I entered this hospital.” In that moment, my worry, fear, depression looked like a puny narcissistic concoction rather than a legitimate abstract. There was just love in her eyes.

As her son, I found that in my personal pursuit of personal goals, I somewhere forgot the people that matter to me the love – I atone for it from the God, and I learnt that a sense of optimism is necessary for battling the malevolent thing life is. You need to have optimism, otherwise you can’t live, you can’t love. She is fine now and when she will arrive at home, I will just talk to her incessantly. I was in paltry self-serving bias the whole time – mooting personal ambitions, relationships, I guess vices. I just feel content now – just for being a son of such a strong mother. I feel reconnected to my family and I feel ecstatic, like a key puzzle had been missing.

There are no problems, only solutions. There is a way out of every labyrinth. There is love even when you find insecurity all around. My optimism are my mother, father, my sibling and my dog. It is strange that I found an answer at a particular moment but it was omnipresent. Take some time from your personal hysterical ambitious life, make a genuine connection, a deep one, a loving one with those who matter the most in this world and all worry will dissipate in a second. This love is only thing what I need from my family. I thought I was losing it but I recognised its necessity. My personal stress looks more spurious, unimportant and selfish. I have people who care about me and this just pulls me up from any disregard for life.